Then she left for school and I began talking with Ash about her running for student government...she has worked so hard at running for student council and making it and then deciding to run for V.P. and getting her poster together and this morning she tells me she's not going to run because she might lose...What? I almost lost it...I couldn't understand, but then she told me that Breanne, one of her best friends, decided to run for V.P. also and she didn't want this to hurt their friendship...we talked and I said I would support her either way, but what an experience this would be whether she wins or loses...to me, she's a winner for even trying. She decided to continue to run and I'm so proud of her!
Then a little meltdown for Colt as he practiced the piano. He was upset when he couldn't figure out the song (because he wasn't on middle C) but that's when he began to tell me that middle C changes for every song...What? So, after getting Ashlyn to explain to him (because I don't know anything!) that middle C is always middle C, he finally calmed down. As the kids walked out the door and I was making Wyatt's bed I said out loud "Satan, you won this morning...you won!!" and I cried for a long time that morning on Wyatt's bed! I don't know what to do. I try not to be argumentative with my kids, I try not to get mad, but lately I do and I don't like it at all.So, it's been exactly a month from this journal entry...I never posted this, but reading it again I can still feel those feelings I felt that day...that was a hard day. But it's great to be a few weeks out from that experience and to see how I've grown, but more importantly to see other people were answers to my prayers that day and those few days following. That next day, my sweet friend, Carrie called and told me about a beautiful book she had just read and couldn't put down (and she's not a reader). It's called 'Defined By Christ'.
She finished the book and went back to buy 18 copies...enough for her sisters, mom and friends and I was lucky enough to be one of her friends she gave a copy to. I began reading it that day and finished within a few days. It's an easy read, but I read it slowly so I wouldn't miss anything, looking up lots of talks referenced in the book...I really just wanted to soak it all in and not miss anything. It has changed my life and I've bought copies for other friends that needed to read it, too. What a great opportunity we have to be answers to prayers for our friends and neighbors.
Looking back on that morning when I told Satan he had won...now I know that never again will I say that. I know that I will have tough times and times that I doubt my abilities as a mother, but I know I can always turn to my Heavenly Father and he will always love me perfectly. From the book I began to understand that He isn't discouraged with me, or frustrated with me, that He never thinks I'm inadequate, but He is always patient and loving, always yearning for me to come to Him...those feelings of frustration, anger and discouragement or doubt are not feelings that He, as someone who is perfect feels...those feelings come from the adversary...they are totally contrary to the feelings our Heavenly Father always feels for us. I loved learning that and really coming to understand that.
Things are better now...it's all a learning process, and I'm learning to let my kids grow up...gosh, it's hard, but it's also so rewarding to see the good they choose.
I knew today would be a big one...Wyatt's first day of preschool and my 37th birthday. This morning Wyatt was my buddy as we ran some errands before taking him to school. First was a trip to Walmart to return some storage totes. As I carried in the totes, I asked Wyatt to hold onto my pockets...I watched as he jammed his little chubby fingers into my pocket and then looked up at me and smiled when he had accomplished the task and was holding on tightly. I couldn't hold back the tears as I looked at my baby...my now four-year-old big boy standing beside me looking up at me with his cute little tanned face and smile and sun-streaked hair and faux-hawk and those big blue eyes. I put the tote down, picked him up and just squeezed his little body, kissed him and then quietly cried into his neck. Just the other day my mom and I were talking about how quickly kids grow...I know he was just two yesterday! I can't believe we're here...with our baby going to preschool. We also went to Old Navy and got him some new camouflage shoes because camouflage is his favorite color ever.
Yesterday Wyatt and I filled out a little questionnaire Ms. Tresa had given us. I asked him all the questions and had to hold back a lot of laughs.
Every Monday and Wednesday McKenna has volleyball games, then on Wednesdays goes straight to a soccer game and then right to YW's...I don't know how she's keeping it all together, but I know she's learning great life skills in how to prioritize and do what needs to be done when it needs to be done and she's making some great new friends. I've loved watching the jr high volleyball team. I really only knew what I've known about volleyball from ward ball, and it's clearly 
Garrett had the opportunity to participate in his first fly fishing competition with Trout Unlimited. A few months ago he began putting together his team with four of his buddies who guide at Falcon's Ledge and Greg. I don't think he could stop thinking about it, or dreaming about it. Garrett hooked up the drift boat and he and Greg headed out for their next adventure.
With all going on in life we took a much needed break and met my parents and sister and her family at the fair...well, Ashlyn, Colt, Wyatt and I did, Garrett had stake meetings he couldn't get out of and when I picked McKenna up from the jr high she didn't look so good...Wyatt had a fever last week and I could tell she wasn't feeling good, plus she's been running like crazy with volleyball, soccer and school so I knew she needed a night to just go home and sleep. Greg drove her home and then texted me that I had fallen for the oldest trick in the book. He and Amy have teenagers and they have been given the sick excuse before by their kids so they could stay home all alone...it made me laugh. Luckily McKenna is still too innocent to really pull that on me...at least, I hope!
This past week McKenna's La Roca team played in the Forza Cup...in the end they were again awarded 1st Place Medals...nice job girls! McKenna had some amazing saves and one of those amazing saves turned into her second yellow card of the season during tournament play. She charged a player coming at her one-on-one and rather than let the girl shoot on her, she made herself "big", as the coach calls it, and ran out to take her on, cutting off her angles, but in doing so she stepped outside her box and blocked the ball with her hands which is an immediate yellow card for anyone who saves a goal with their hands, even the goalie. I was worried she should have stayed in the box, but according to her coaches and everyone else she did the right thing because she stopped a goal and then she stopped the penalty kick their team got to take for her getting carded...she was on fire that day! At first when she became the goalie I was so nervous for her, but as I've watched her progress and improve and as I've seen her gain confidence in her abilities, she really shines through and she is so fun to watch. The other night, her first La Roca coach, Matt, came to watch the game and afterward couldn't say enough about the kind of keeper McKenna has become...she is awesome!
Wyatt takes after his big brother in his love of climbing trees and right now our peach and nectarine trees are the perfect height for him to be able to do it all my himself...love this boy to death!
